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1994-03-09
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THE POOPIE LIST
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If this doesn't make you laugh, go suck a lolly. Yes, it's a list
of the huge variety of different logs that people dump. (Ahem!)
GHOST POOPIE - The kind where you feel the poopie come out,
but there's no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still feels unwiped, so you put toilet paper between
your cheeks so you won't ruin your undies with a stain.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE - The kind where you're done poopie-ing and
you pulled your pants up to your knees and you
realized you've got to go again.
POP-A-VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOPIE - The kind where you strain so
much to get it out you almost have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE - The kind that's so huge you're afraid to
flush the toilet without breaking it up into tiny pieces
with the toilet brush first.
THE GASSY POOPIE - The kind that's so noisy, everyone within ear
shot is giggling.
THE DRINKER POOPIE - The kind you have in the morning after a
long night of drinking. The most noticeable trait is
the skid marks in the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE - Self explanatory.
THE GEE I WISH I COULD POOPIE! - The kind where you sit for
awhile and only fart.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE - The kind that hurts so bad you'd swear it
came out sideways.
THE WET CHEEKS POOPIE (the power dump) - The kind that comes out
so fast you're cheeks get splashed with water.
THE LIQUID POOPIE - The kind where yellow brown liquid shoots
out so fast it splashes all over the bowl.
THE MEXICAN POOPIE - The kind where it smells so bad your nose burns.
UPPER CLASS POOPIE - The kind that doesn't smell.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE - The kind where you're not even at the
toilet because you're sure you're about to fart,
But, oops! - a poopie!
THE CLIFF HANGER - The kind that refuses to drop into the toilet
even though you know you're done - so you pray a shake
or two will cut it loose.